New Japan Pro Wrestling 8/3/2023 G1 Climax 33 Day 13

New Japan Pro Wrestling 8/3/2023 G1 Climax 33 Day 13

Here's what I saw:

El Phantasmo & Togi Makabe vs. United Empire (HENARE & Will Ospreay)

Will and ELP start us off. ELP armdrags him and Will cartwheels out of his hurricanrana. They then evade each others moves and stand off. They trade forearms and ELP dropkicks him. ELP takes an atomic drop then springboard twisting crossbodies him. ELP goes for the asai moonsault but Will gets his knees up.

ELP takes a double shoulder and kick for 2. Henare hits corner shots on ELP then hits kicks to the back. Henare sentons him. ELP grabs Henare by the nipples then step up enzugiri's him. Togi hits corner punches on Henare then he lariats over both opponents.

Togi lariats Henare for 2 then Henare spinning heel kicks him. ELP avoids a Will plancha outside and Will avoids being thrown into the rails. He then springboard dropkicks ELP as he tries to get in the ring. Togi takes a uranage from Henare then Henare hits streets of rage on him to win it.

There wasn't anything real notable about this. It went about 8 minutes and Togi barely even got in here.

Guerrillas Of Destiny (Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa) & Hiroyoshi Tenzan vs. CHAOS (Kazuchika Okada & Tomohiro Ishii) & Hiroshi Tanahashi

Tenzan has lost some serious weight here. There is little to him right now.

Loa shoulders over Okada then Loa hiptosses and slams him. Okada trips him and elbow drops him. Ishii shoulders Loa and they trade forearms. Tana dropkicks Loa in the knee then Ishii shoulders Loa over. Tama gets it too and the faces clean house.

Loa suplexes Tana. Tenzan hits mongolian chops on Tana then Tana does it to him. Tama dropkicks Ishii then takes a dragon screw from Tana. Okada running back elbows Tama then sares down with Loa. Loa is thrown into the rail outside. Tama hits a tonga twist on Okada.

Loa and Okada trade forearms and Loa drops him. Loa powerslams Okada then misses a top rope headbutt. Okada neckbreakers Loa over the knee. Ishii gets in and is speared by Loa. Tenzan is tagged in and shoulders Ishii. Tenzan hits mongolian chops then suplexes him.

Tama takes a dropkick to the knee then Ishii and Tana run into each other and get knocked over. Tenzan mountain bombs Ishii then Ishii lariats him. Okada dropkicks Loa then Tana slingblades Tama. Tenzan takes shots from all 3 opponents then takes a landslide and a Tana top rope high fly flow. Ishii then sliding d's Tenzan and wins it.

It was nothing special at all and Tenzan probably tried the most here which should tell you about what this was. They teased Loa vs Okada here.

G1 Climax 33 Block A -  Gabe Kidd vs Yota Tsuji

Gabe nails Yota on the ramp, only it's not Yota. It's a smaller guy who legit looks like his identical twin. Yota then hits him from behind. Yota gets some offense in as the match starts and Gabe rolls out. Yota topes him into the rails then whips Gabe into the rails. Gabe then backdrops him on the floor and hits the fake Yota.

Fake Yota is slammed on Yota and gets on the mic to say f-u to both of them. Gabe hits corner chops and headbutts then hits a belly to belly. They trade chops for a long time and Yota tilt-a-whirl backbreakers him. They trade forearms and Yota takes Yuto Nakashima's hairband. They trade more forearms and Gabe knocks him down with slaps.

Gabe takes a back body drop then facekicks him. Gabe hits a stiff lariat for 1 then brainbusters him for 2. Gabe misses a top rope moonsault and takes a gordbuster. Yota gutwrench slams him and top rope moonsaults him for 2. Yota hits an orange crush for 2 then curb stomps him. Yota goes for the spear and is dropkicked. They slap each other for a while and Gabe goes down. Yota headbutts him and hits a big spear to win it.

I wasn't a fan of this. It went too long and it was real slow all throughout with them trading chops and slaps for long stretches. The fake Yota thing was interesting as that guy looked exactly like Yota.

G1 Climax 33 Block A - Kaito Kiyomiya vs Ren Narita

Kaito's on his back on the mat and Ren tells him to stand up.  Kaito rolls and cartwheels out of an armlock. Kaito dragon screw leg whips him twice the figure fours him. Ren hits chops, forearms and a knee then he jumping presses him down into the mat. Ren chinlocks him.

Kaito knee dropkicks him and bangs his knee into the mat. Kaito hits another knee dropkick the takes a spinning heel kick to the face. Ren back elbows him and hits an underhook suplex. Kaito hits a nice dropkick and a german for 2. Ren then puts the chin lock back on. Ren does a cobra twist then release germans him for 2.

Kaito dragon screws him then top rope dropkicks him in the knee. Kaito hits another dragon screw and figure fours him. Kaito hits a euro and slaps him then spinning forearms him. Ren jumping enzugiri's him and pump kicks him. Kaito then hurrricanrana's him for 2. Kaito hits a tiger suplex for 2 and a half-nelson slam for 2. Ren hits a belly to belly suplex into a bridge and wins it.

This was just embarrassing for Kaito and Noah. Ren loses to everybody and isn't anyone at this point yet he's beating Noah's biggest star. New Japan has basically dunked on Noah and is teabagging them with this one. Totally embarrassing and stupid. Kaito doesn't even make the playoffs now for the G1. This completely buried Kaito. I can't defend this one or give it any praise. Noah, Kaito, Ren and NJPW all deserve to be ripped to shreds for doing this.

G1 Climax 33 Block A - SANADA vs Chase Owens

Chase gives him a thumbs up and wants to shake hands. They then try to kick each other and catch the other's foot. Chase tries to put the paradise lock on Sanada and eventually does on the 2nd attempt. Chase basement dropkicks him out of it and celebrates outside. Milano Collection AT gives him the thumbs up.

Chase then takes a paradise lock between the ropes and is dropkicked out of it. Sanada is thrown into the rails then ddt'd on the exposed floor. Chase pumping knees him on the ropes and then puts him in skull end. Sanada dropkicks him and has the ref thrown into him. Chase then hits him with a knee brace for 2.

Sanada shining wizards him then hits a deadfall ddt to win it.

This being the semi-main event was a joke. Again, I have no idea why Chase is being protected here so much or why they let him clown around the champ. Terrible booking here.

G1 Climax 33 Block A - Shota Umino vs Hikuleo

Shota shoulders him and challenges him to do it back. Shota dropkicks him in the knee when he does then is slammed. Hiku slams him then foot chokes him. Shota dropkicks him in the knee and tries to slam him but collapses when he tries. Hiku throws him for 2. Shota running euros him then dropkicks him to the side of the head. Shota slams him.

Shota hits a top rope dropkick for 2. Hiku hits snake eyes and lariats him. Hiku suplexes him for 2. Hiku goes for the powerslam but Shota stops it by double stomping him in a cool spot. Shota STF's him then sliding dropkicks him on the apron. Shota then slingshot ddt's him. Hiku powerslams him.

They trade forearms. Hiku knocks him down but Shota gets back up and hits more forearms. Shota is knocked down again and spinning forearms him. He hits a german for 2 then runs into a boot. Hiku hits a stiff powerbomb for 2. Hiku goes for a chokeslam but is ddt'd.

Shota shotgun dropkicks him then superplexes him. Shota hits a mcgillicutter for 2 then enzugiri's him. Hiku hits a short arm lariat and is sunset flipped for 2. Hiku powerslams him and hits a chokeslam for the win.

It went too long and as usual, Hiku didn't bring a lot to the table. Shota really had to carry this in almost every way and did as much as he could with it. I think Hiku's taking too many bumps and going down too much for a big guy and he just does not have the fire right now that you need.

Overall thoughts: Not a good night at the G1. Chase Owens in the semi-main clowned IWGP champ Sanada then Kaito was buried 10 feet deep with the loss to Ren. And while Hikuleo might someday be ready for the main, he's not there right now.