WWE Wrestlemania 39 Night 1 4/1/2023

WWE Wrestlemania 39 Night 1 4/1/2023

WWE United States Title - Austin Theory (c) vs John Cena

Neither had a special entrance, though Cena did appear with Make-A-Wish kids, which I thought was cheesy.

Cena shoulders Theory over then headlock takeovers him. Cena shoulders him again. Theory bites his ear and then pearl harbors him. Theory suplexes him for 2 then Cena suplexes him. Theory rolls into a neckbreaker for 2. Theory then slingshots into a dropkick on Cena. Theory goes for another slingshot roll but is caught with an STFU.

Theory bites his way out of it and running forearms him. Theory jumping stomps him and takes control for a bit. They trade shots then Theory sleepers him. Cena hits some flying shoulders then blue thunders him. Cena does the five knuckle shuffle then taps him out with the STFU, but the ref is down and doesn't see it. Theory low blows him then hit's the a-town down and wins it.

I thought it was fine. Not as good as it could have or should have been, but perfectly acceptable. It really needed a big spot or two to put this over. I think more time could have helped as well, though they did do a good job with the time they had.

Wrestlemania Showcase Four Way - Braun Strowman and Ricochet vs The Street Profits vs The Viking Raiders vs Alpha Academy

The Street Profits won here. It was naturally a spotfest as these can't be much else but it was a fun one. Gable did a chaos theory german to Braun. We had a tower of doom spot. Ricochet did a springboard ssp to the outside. Ivar missed a top rope moonsault and Braun did a top rope splash.

Logan Paul vs Seth Rollins

It got a little boring in the middle of this, but then it got fun. Paul having his drink brand be a mascot was funny as was having his friend under it only to get splashed through a table outside. The two matched up really well together and this easily could have been the main event without any issue. Logan Paul is legitimately nothing short of an incredible prospect. Just so athletic and he really gets how to be a heel. This was his 5th match ever and he's better than people who've been at this for over a decade. 

Damage Control vs Trish Stratus, Becky Lynch and Lita

This was long and not very good. Trish and Lita weren't real good in their prime and weren't that good here. It had the usual divas sloppiness. Trish's team won as expected and as they should have.

Rey Mysterio vs Dominic

They had Dominic arrive in a police van with handcuffs, escorted by police. Rey came with Snoop Dogg in a low rider car and came out to Nothing but a G Thang and Eddie Guerrero's theme, then his own. We had a Cinnamon Toast Crunch mascot out there with a lucha emoji on.

Dom gets thrown out early and they shove each other. Rey hurricanrana's him then hurricanrana's him into the buckles. Rey then whips him in the butt with a belt. Dom throws a drink at his sister then clocks Rey and catapults him into the post. Dom then slingshot sentons for 2 then puts him in an abdominal stretch. Dom armdrags him off the ropes and hits a michinoku driver for 2.

Dom yells at his mom then gets slapped and pushed into the post. Rey hits la silla off the top then springboard crossbodies him for 2. Rey goes up and over in the corner and hits a code red for 2. Judgement day comes out and Rey gets alley oop'd into the buckles. Dom suplexes him then Rey does an up over the back headscissors. Rey hits the 619 and Judgement Day interrupts.

Legado del Fantasma make the save for Rey then Dom 619's Rey. Dom then hits a frogsplash for 2. Rey made a comeback and hit a 619 then did a top rope frogsplash for the win.

It was a well done match with Dom heeling it up with his family, his friends coming down to help then LdF and Bad Bunny coming out to help Rey and Rey getting the big win at the end.  

Rhea Rhipley vs Charlotte Flair

Legitimately, I'd rather watch anything else over this.

Rhea shoulders her over then Flair flips over her and shoulders her. Flair then lariats her over the top. Flap takes corner spears and face kicks her through the ropes. Flair then top rope crossbodies her then has her head banged into the top buckle from the electric chair position. Flair gets her head banged into the 2nd buckle.

Rhea bodyscissors her then hits shots to the lower back. Rhea germans her for 1. Rhea hits short arm clotheslines her and flair bangs Rhea's head into the buckles. Flair hits chops. Flair crossbodies her off the top and Rhea catches her and rolls through. Rhea goes for a pumphandle slam and Flair turns it into a ddt. They facekick each other at the same time.

Flair hits forearms then does a fallaway slam. Flair goes up top and Flair nearly dies on a top rope german. Flair gets sent into the steps then is planted body first on the mat for 2. Rhea germans her. Rhea germans her again and Flair tries to flip out of it but ends up taking it in on her face. Flair facekicks her for 2 then top rope moonsaults her to the outside. Rhea hits a pumphandle slam for 2.

Rhea puts her in a reverse standing cloverleaf and Flair grabs the ropes. Flair then spears her for 2. They trade forearms and kicks. Rhea gets her head banged into the post then Flair gets her head banged into the post too. Rhea then does a top rope pumphandle slam and wins it.

It went long and I didn't think it was that great. There wasn't a real story to it and the selling was questionable at times. It was watchable and better than the usual women's garbage though. 

Miz was in the ring with Snoop Dogg and said he needed a Mania match. Pat McAfee then came out. Miz wouldn't accept the challenge and said he couldn't make the match. Snoop said he could make it though.

The Miz vs Pat McAfee

Pat hits a big spinebuster at the start. They go up top and Pat flips off the top then Miz tries to come off the top but gets kicked on his way down. Miz goes outside and pushes George Kittle, who is a football player. Kittle then lariats Miz and Pat top rope swantons Miz on the outside then celebrates with Kittle. Pat does a punt kick to Miz and wins it.

More of a moment than a match. It accomplished what it was supposed to and it was fine.

Tag Titles - The Uso's vs Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens

Lil Uzi Vert did a song for the Uso's entrance.

Sami is shouldered over early then hits a Thesz press and punches on Jey. Sami gets pulled over the top by Jimmy on the outside then lariated on the floor. Sami goes into the post then is tope'd by Jey. Sami then gets suplexed on the floor. Sami gets beat up on and then Jimmy decks Kevin on the apron.

Sami mounts a comeback and takes out both Uso's then makes the tag to Kevin. Kevin top rope flip dives on the Uso's outside and lariats both on the floor. Kevin then frogsplashes Jimmy from the apron to the floor then frogsplashes Jey from the top. Jey does a backdrop into a neckbreaker. Kevin tries to swanton Jey but Jey gets his knees up then Kevin took a top rope splash from Jimmy. Kevin superkicks Jimmy then cannonballs him in the corner. Sami brainbusters Jey on the apron then Kevin swantons Jey from the top.

Sami top rope frogsplashes Jimmy for 2. Sami blue thunders Jimmy then takes a flying kick from Jey for 2. Jey superkicks Sami then Sami takes superkicks from both including a double superkick. Kevin gets superkicked and Sami takes a double superkick to the back of the head for 2. The Uso's went for a 3D but the faces stopped it. Jimmy got his head banged off the table outside by Kevin then Kevin took a double chokeslam through a table by the Uso's.

Sami then took a 3D for 2. Jey starts slapping him and beating on him in the corner. Jey hit Sami's helluva kick on Sami then Sami explodered him into the buckles. Kevin got in again and pop-up powerbombed the Uso's. Sami hit a helluva kick and Kevin hit a stunner for 2.

They then did a 4 person stand off and did hockey fighting. Everyone took superkicks then Kevin and Sami took double superkicks. The Uso's did stereo top rope splashes for 2. Kevin took another double superkick then Jimmy was thrown over a table. Kevin hit a 2nd rope fisherman's buster on Jey then Sami hit a helluva kick on Jey. Owners stunnered Jimmy then Sami hit another helluva kick on Jey and won.

All they really had to do here was a basic tag match with your hot tag and it would have been good, but they couldn't. They did a million helluva kicks and superkicks here and went a lot longer than they really needed it. There was lots of no selling here as well and they even had a TurboTax replay at the end, which was dumb. I thought it was okay, but it was just a great example of over complicating things for no real reason.

Overall thoughts: It was a good show overall. I don't know how anyone watches this live with 5-10 minute videos before each match, commercials and other nonsense. I definitely didn't. I thought Logan Paul/Seth Rollins was the match of the night with the women's trios match being the worst match. They broke kayfabe during the show which sucked. They didn't have a lot of big entrances when they could have. The show came across as a tribute to Mexico at times which sucked. And the blatant shilling of products like TurboTax and Cinnamon Toast Crunch and the overuse of celebrities were also problems here.