Last week's show is here: http://prowresblog.blogspot.com/2013/07/wwe-total-divas-episode-1-review.html
NOTE - My day 4 review of the G1 Climax is coming soon.
We got some quick clips from last week.
They showed Eva and Jo Jo at a Raw. They showed Fandango coming out with his old dancer, Fandangirl. Eva Marie said she could be Fandangirl and could do the routine. She said "being a valet for Fandango opens the door for you" and "once he has me as his partner, he won't want anyone else".
|"This...it, it looks like a diaper." - Ariane|
|"That was definitely a no-no boo boo." - Ariane on Sandra not having their gear done at Wrestlemania|
|"If stuff hit the fan, I'm definitely blaming it all on you." - Trinity|
The Funkadactyl's complained about not having anything to wear. She said they need a "second person to make their stuff". Trinity defended Sandra the seamstress. Trin said she's blaming everything on Ariane if this goes bad.
Nikkie and Brie talked about going to Tampa with Cena and Daniel Bryan. They said they would each visit each other's home, with Cena's cool home and DB's not as cool home in Washington.
|"Everytime I see him, he walks out with a different girl." - Natalya|
|"If we could find someone who could move and was good looking enough, we could give her a look." - Fandango|
|"I know I could be Fandango's next best dance partner." - Eva Marie|
Natalya talked with Eva and Jo Jo. Natalya said she sees Fandango with a different girl all the time. Fandango then just happened to walk in. Eva made a remark saying she wanted to dance with Fandango. Fandango said they have a different girl at each city and need a mainstay dancer. Eva said she knew she could be the next dancer for him.
|"You know what role you play. You're definitely the villains. Maybe think about doing the twin magic that you're oh so famous for." - Road Dogg|
Road Dogg talked to the Bella's in the back. He told them to play the villians and do twin magic against the Funkadactyl's. Nikki said their characters are "the biggest bitches you've ever come across and the nastiest". They showed them doing twin magic and getting busted. They then showed the fight after between the two.
|"Next WWE diva alert." - Jane's stooge Mark|
|"You have a ballroom/ballet background?" - Jane Geddes|
|"I think I can do it, except I have a little problem...I don't know how to ballroom dance." - Eva Marie|
|"I have zero dance experience." - Eva Marie, next WWE diva|
Eva Marie talked with staff about being a Fandango dancer. Jane was impressed with Eva's ballroom and ballet dance background. They said it's cool if Fandango is okay with it. They said Eva needs to show her best at the next Raw during rehersal. Jo Jo went to bed and Eva said "you may want to play music tonight".
Jo Jo talked to Fandango. He then met Eva. Eva told Fandango he needs her. He said look him up in Tampa and Fandango said he'd be thinking of her in the shower. DY then walked past in gym shorts.
Eva then dropped the bomb saying she has zero dance experience.
|"Nicole, are you wearing underwear?" - Brie | "What?" - Nikki|
|"I like the red headed one." - John Cena|
The Bella's and their bf's got into a bus, walking past fans looking for autographs. They got into a private jet. Nikki loved it and Brie asked Nikki if she was wearing underwear. Brie talked trash about Eva and said Eva wanted John to be her tag team partner. Brie pushed down her top some and said Eva had hers like that. Cena said he liked Eva because she is bold and attracts attention. He then blushed.
|"So, by the way, I have a boyfriend." - Eva Marie|
|"She has a boyfriend. I...alright." - Jo Jo Offerman|
Eva was visited in her hotel room by her boyfriend Johnathan. He is bald, ripped and some kind of dancer it appears. She kept this secret and Jo Jo wasn't happy.
|"It took me two hours of hanging out with you to know that you're the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and you're the one for me." - Eva's boyfriend Johnathan, who probably should have spent two more hours with her|
|"Will you marry me?" - Johnathan|
Johnathan asked Eva Marie to marry him. Bad idea right there. I suppose she said yes as she kissed him. She then told Jo Jo and Jo said "what the hell?".
Vincent, Ariane's boyfriend, returned and was with Ariane. Ariane found someone in Hollywood to make some gear for her.
We got a tour of John Cena's house. John Cena's house is nice. He has a ton of white rooms. Cena has a elevator and a nice pool with a nice cover. Good thing he is home all the time to enjoy it...not. It looks really small in the front but the back is huge.
|"I'm gonna show him my tits." - Brie Bella on what to do if she gets pulled over by a cop|
John Cena has a black Maserati with tan leather seats. Brie wanted to drive fast and said she'd show the cop her chest to get out of a ticket. Nikki loved Cena's house and said it was better than DB's.
Eva was sad that Johnathan had to leave. She was told it is all about chemistry with Fandango. She said she didn't tell Johnathan she was going out with Fandango. She took off her engagement ring. Jo Jo had a problem with this and said Eva needs to slow down, Eva Marie is coming off really bad on this show.
Cena rode down a waterslide with rocks around it in his pool. Cena has blue swim trunks and DB has flowers on his. They took turns jumping off of rocks into the pool.
Ariane went to go get her gear. It's a gold outfits with tassles and a circle cut out around the chest.
Fandango met up for a date with Eva Marie. They showed Fandango kissing his own hand instead of her's when they first met. Fandango called her hot. Eva then lied about being a dancer and being good. Fandango asked if she could do splits, but she said she can't due to pain. Fandango said he could massage her before she goes out and she can massage him after. Fandango then said he was going to the club and invited her.
Fandango met her at the club. He kissed his own hand again. Fandango hit on her and Eva said she felt uncomfortable as he hit on her too hard. He told her to say she's with Fandango when she comes to Raw.
The Bella's and their bf's were now going to Aberdeen, which is DB's home. They set up a wood chopping challenge. Brie said she wants a massage once a week for a month if she wins and they all agreed on it,
Daniel Bryan's house is red wood. It has no television. Nikki hated it. Daniel Bryan's house is his childhood house and it's covered in stuff his parents owned. There is little stuff of his own. Brie said she loved the house and Cena questioned if the house is big enough for kids. Brie said she can't change stuff much and Nikki pushed her to get rid of DB's parents furniture.
|"She got booty meat hanging out and she ain't got no booty? Imagine what your's is gonna look like." - Jon Uso|
Ariane called Trin and said she got some outfits. She talked about booty hanging out and Jon wasn't happy. He didn't like the booty hanging out. Trin said her stuff would fit different than hers. Jon said Ariane had no booty.
Back to DB's house, and we are chopping wood. The twins wore jeans and bra's. The boys then took off their shirts. 3 minutes per participant and the boys need 3 for each 1 the Bella's get. One of the Bella's hit themselves in the vagina. They knocked out 8 pieces. Cena said he already had wood and had an erection on camera. Great. I really needed to see that. NO, I AM NOT POSTING PICTURES OF THAT. Brie said DB looked like a lumberjack. DB went very slow. DB didn't even cut one piece, as he said he wanted to tie.
In bed, Cena grabbed Nikki's butt. The twins went out somewhere with either geese or dog poop. Brie said she was used to the sun and wasn't liking the murky weather there. Brie said DB's house is his house and she can't do anything for it. She said she cant sacrifice so much. Nikki said Brie couldn't handle the weather. Nikki said the house needs torn down and said Brie needs to tell DB this isn't for her. Nikki complained about the poop and said she needed to drink two bottles of wine.
It's show time for Eva, as it's Raw. Eva was getting worried. Jo Jo mocked Eva and said this was out of control. Fandango was wearing a hat. Eva said she was freaking out. Eva said hi to Brodus and Nattie in the back.
Nattie gave her a bracelet to wear. Eva told the divas she was dancing with Fandango. The Dactyl's wanted to see this. The girls didn't get how Eva can't split, especially Ariane.
Jane, the head of talent relations, looked mad. Fandango said we aren't doing this again. Jane's stooge asked Eva if she was a trained dancer. He said "this is not good".
Ariane showed Trinity her outfit and Trinity didn't like it. She said "all my cookie is hanging out". They blurred out Trinity's outfit due to a cameltoe. She said she had too much butt and chest for it. Ariane then tried to sweet talk Sandra. Ariane then explained the situation. Sandra didn't find this outfit sexy.
The Dactly's wore old outfits and Ariane said this outfit didn't make her boobs look big enough.
Eva Marie was on the hot seat on a couch in an office. Stephanie McMahon came in. She shook hands with her and looked pretty mad. Stephanie mocked her and said "I don't even know you, but you embarassed yourself, you embarassed the company and it's not okay". Eva then was worried she was going to get fired. In my dreams she would. Anyone else up for putting Sandra in her place?
Stephanie McMahon continued to rip on her. Eva said "obviously lying isn't the way to go". Steph asked what would happen if this was on live TV. Eva said she was disappointed in herself. Eva said this would never happen again and Stephanie said if it does "you won't make it, you'll be gone and you won't come back".
Next week - Brie and Bella move to Phoenix, Trinity doesn't want to marry Jon and Jo Jo gets a concussion.
Overall thoughts: I enjoyed this one actually. Sandra was awesome and it was fun to see Eva Marie get owned on national television. The tour of Cena's and DB's houses were cool too.