Monday, September 9, 2013

WWE Monday Night Raw 9/9/2013 Results and Review

WWE Monday Night Raw 9/9/2013 Results and Review

Last week's show is here:

No audio tonight.

The show is starting now. Edge came out.

Edge decided to do The Cutting Edge.

Edge said Triple H asked him to come out to have a reunion with Randy Orton. He said Orton had nothing interesting to say and he wanted instead to meet Christian.
Edge said Orton would not be the guest on the Cutting Edge and brought out Daniel Bryan.

Edge said DB had been through a lot and he agreed, but he said it helped that there were tons of people chatting his name. He's super over tonight.
DB said no matter how many times Orton or Show attacks him, he will beat Orton and become champ. Edge said these two are the same as they wrestled in barns and both wanted to be wrestlers. Edge said he didn't think DB could beat Orton. I guess he didn't watch Raw this summer.
Orton said it was a shame that when Edge comes back each time, Canada is the only place that cares. He ripped on Edge for being too injured to wrestle.

"I may have problems with my spine, but atleast I have one." - Edge

Edge said Triple H sucked at picking talent and HHH came out.
Edge said he doesn't work here, so he can say anything he wants. He said Triple H didn't think Edge or Chris Jericho can make it. He also said Triple H called John Cena a "Vanilla Ice wannabe that can't make it". He then said, "I know your nose is huge, but sometimes you have to look past it".
Triple H did a cheap pop for Edge's show, then continued on.
"The little experiment called the Rated-R Superstar was an abject failure. I hate to break it to ya, but you never drew a dime, buddy." - Triple H
HHH said he was right when he said Edge would be a failure. HHH then made Daniel Bryan vs Dean Ambrose. HHH said Ambrose would have The Shield in his corner and DB would have Big Show in his corner, but not Edge.
Edge said he didn't have to marry the boss' wife to be successful. HHH said he can't hurt Edge but can hurt the one's Edge loves. The Shield brought out Christian who was beat up and collapsed.

Josh interviewed Kofi on the app and Kofi said he would fight Axel tonight. Kofi said he wished the belt was on the line, but he will do what he always does.

Edge said he would go after HHH if he could get clearance and HHH mocked him for not being able to.

HHH said this was his town and kicked out Edge.

Curtis Axel vs Kofi Kingston
These two fought on Smackdown and Superstars last week. Check here:

Axel got himself DQ'd quickly here. He kept stomping on Kofi in the corner and didn't stop at the 5 count, so he took the DQ. Lame ending here but there were loud CM Punk chants.

Axel tried to get a shot in after and Kofi hit a TiP kick.

They showed a tweet form Goldust where he said he wanted to get revenge on Orton for getting his bro fired last week, so they announced they would fight tonight.

They showed a quick package on Goldust. Goldust is actually a pretty good wrestler and I really liked his early WCW as Dustin Rhodes and his 2002/2003 team with Booker T. They were really entertaining and made Raw's a lot better then.

They showed clips from WM18 with Rock vs Hogan. I'll review that show someday.

Paul Heyman claimed to have slipped on water in the hallway in the back and said he wanted his own doctor. Clearly he was faking this.

Booker wanted to "holla" at Show. He reminded Show that Show is a professional and that he would have done the same thing. He said the people will want Show to be a hero tonight, but he needs to think of his family.
Booker said Show's feelings were pride and don't let pride get him fired. He also said be a professional.

They said Bray Wyatt was up next.

Josh interviewed Dolph Ziggler on the app.Dolph said he would steal the show and show why he is so good. Dolph said he was worried about Shield attacks and said he needed to prove that he is the face of the company.

Bray Wyatt vs Dolph Ziggler

On the app, Wyatt was in control and threw out Dolph. Wyatt brought him back in and worked on a nerve hold.

Wyatt took the win with a Sister Abigail, who they said was his dead sister. The match wasn't much. Mostly rest holds til Dolph got his comeback and lost.

They showed a commercial for Edge being on Smackdown.

They showed some funny moments of Goldust.

Paul Heyman came out with a doctor and he was on crutches.

Paul said his doctor told him he either tore his meniscus or his ACL. He said he was withdrawing from the match Sunday.
Paul said he would go back to NY and be back when he could.
Brad Maddox came out with Dr. Samson.

They said Paul should be evaluated only by a WWE doctor to get out of a match, and evaluated him on the spot.

The doc checked him out and said Paul was fine.

Punk came out, Paul ran and he nailed the doctor and Axel with a cane.

On the app, Josh showed Jack Swagger's debut.

Aksana, Layla and Alicia Fox vs Naomi, Brie Bella and Natalya

Natalya won with a sharpshooter in a quick and unoffensive match. I can't buy Brie being friends with Naomi so easy after Total Divas.

We got another package on Goldust. They are really putting over Goldust/Orton.

Josh interviewed RVD and Ricardo on the app. Ryback jumped in and said RVD may not make it after a match with him to Night of Champions and he called Ricardo "short stuff".

R-Truth vs Alberto Del Rio

RVD did an inset saying the champ won't be ADR but RVD. I can tell you that this one was totally scripted as RVD sounded like a goof.

ADR won with the armbar. The match was okay. Probably the best so far tonight but that's saying nothing. Truth had a nice dive to the outside and that was the only real highlight. We got an Undertaker chant and I'm guessing someone was dressed up as him.

They announced Tag Team Turmoil for the NoC pre-show.

Zeb said Canada were neighbors in name's only and said Canada never helped out USA.

Antonio Cesaro vs Santino Marella

Santino Marella beat Antonio Cesaro with a judo hip throw. The crowd was super into this and they got a holy $h!t chant off of Cesaro's 30 second giant swing. Obviously, I wasn't pleased with the result of this. Jobbing to Santino is a 3MB role, not a Cesaro role.

Damien Sandow vs The Miz
Sandow came out during the app. He said his ancestor served as vice regal to the crown in Canada. He sent Toronto was a scab on the Canadian map.
DS talked and Miz interrupted.

Sandow won with a rollup when Fandango came out and danced. This wasn't anything of note.

Goldust cut a promo and said he was the screw up of the family. He said Rhodes still had a chance and he would try to get him it tonight.

Triple H talked about how much pressure was under and he said he hoped it worked out for him. Goldust was really good here.

Josh red a Dusty promo from twitter.

If Goldust wins, Cody is rehired - Goldust vs Randy Orton

Orton had control for the first part of the match but went outside to stall. He waved his hands and actually backchopped a camera on accident. Goldust hit him into the barricades and the table. Orton got back in and worked a chinlock.

Randy Orton beat Goldust with an RKO in a good match. The crowd was hot and these two matched up well since their styles aren't that far off. Lots of good punching here. Near the end, Goldust hit a Cross Rhodes and the crowd went nuts. Orton then ducked a shot and hit the RKO for the win. Good stuff here with a hot crowd. Rating:***1/2
Orton mocked Goldust after, saying his dream was shattered and DB's will be too.

The Uso's were interviewed on the app. One of the Uso's talked about being in a tag team turmoil before and stuttered, calling it a tag team turd. The PTP's came out then. They took credit for the WWE app and gave The Uso's a parting gift. It was a small box and Titus said they would keep their dreams in it. The one Uso dropped it purposely when he got it.

Steph told Goldust he was a loser and let everyone down.

Zeb talked to Josh on the app, being mad about Santino "busting" his interview. Zeb said Santino has it coming back to him and started cutting a promo on Los Matadores. Zeb said "We're looking for you and when we're looking, we usually find somebody".

Rob Van Dam vs Ryback

Alberto ripped on R&R and said they are losers.

Ryback rammed RVD's crotch into the post for the DQ. The match was pretty decent and short. Ryback caught RVD off of a dive and RVD did a dive to the rails that looked like it sucked.

Steph told Show that he will be fired if he gets involved tonight.

The PTP's talked about Tag Team Turmoil on the app. The Uso's came in celebrating and making weird sounds.

Dean Ambrose vs Daniel Bryan

DB won with a surprise rollup out of nowhere. Good match here. The Shield flew everywhere and they kept it exciting. The crowd was really hot and it was fun.

After the match, Orton came out and DB tope'd him. Show went for the save, backed off and Orton hit DB with an RKO.

HHH ordered Show to knock out DB.

Show argued with Orton and by the time they were done, DB was back up and hit a flying knee on Orton to end the show.

Overall thoughts: The show was pretty good as a whole with Goldust and Heyman being big highlights and mostly saving the show. Edge wasn't bad either but 3 hour shows are really not fun and really feel like they go on forever.


  1. To be fair, Triple H didn’t marry into a successful career. He was doing well for himself and winning WWE Championships before he and Stephanie got married. What he married into was the office job. So if you’re gonna hit him with the “balls in yer purse” gag, make sure you’re doing it based on his suit-and-tie sell-out, and not his Winning Everything Ever. Especially if you are Edge, who has 11 Championships because John Cena decided to lose the belt 10 times in three months*.

    *I am intentionally remembering this era incorrectly.

  2. How awesome is it that Dolph Ziggler ditched AJ Lee and Big E Langston in a fit of confident arrogance, and then his career went straight to Hell? At some point the guy’s gotta realize this and try to get back with them. I mean, he was the World Heavyweight Champion with them by his side. Now he’s getting a jobber entrance and losing clean to Bray Wyatt. And not just Bray … he lost clean to Cesaro on Superstars, too. The guy who loses to Santino Marella on this show. It cannot objectively get much lower. What’s lower than that, Corey Graves? Being half of a team that loses handicap matches? Or a third of a team in 3MB’s case? The Drew McIntyre portion of 3MB. There you go.

  3. Maybe it’s been a while since they’ve said something to piss me off, but God, how awful was the announce team during the Divas six-person tag? AJ’s on commentary trying to talk up the importance of the Divas Championship and get the ‘Total Divas’ feud over, which is nigh-impossible at this point, and all Jerry Lawler can do is ask her about her tattoos, call her ugly and talk down to her. Michael Cole calls her “fiesty.” They aren’t listening to her. She says all she cares about is wrestling and the title belt, and Jerry just goes “lemme, lemme, lemme” until she finishes, then asks her if she’s jealous of the other girls. It’s like talking to a brick wall with its dick out.

    She tries admirably to stand up to them, dropping in one of those Jerry Lawler Law Bombs about how he’s a statutory rapist, but no amount of that will counter the ingrown disrespect and ignorance that needs to be forcibly removed from every old white man allowed to speak for a diverse, publicly-traded company in 2013. The easiest way to remove that would be to remove them. “Guy who hates women,” “guy who hates liberals” and “guy who says whatever we tell him to” is the worst-ever combination of announcers and it would not kill them to employ somebody who isn’t speaking from the tip of their cock 24/7.

  4. Ugh, that RVD promo made him look like one of those human suits the tiny aliens would power in Men in Black.