"He had a lot of fan mail this week." - Heenan | "Really?" - Gorilla | "He woulda had more if he hadn't run out of stamps." - Heenan
Outback Jack beat Barry O with a boomerang(clothesline to the front then to the back) in a quick and boring match. The crowd was dead for this and Jack didn't look very good.
"The boomerang. We're gonna be seeing a lot of that, I'm afraid." - Gorilla | "I'm afraid." - Heenan
"He can climb in the ring with anybody, it's just a matter of staying." - Heenan on Outback Jack
"Koko B. Ware stated to me how excited he was to be a part of this event at Wrestlemania 3." - Gorilla | "What does he want you to co-sign for him on a used car or something?" - Heenan | "He's lucky I don't get my hands on that bird. He'd be in a bag of Shake N Bake." - Heenan
Koko B. Ware vs Sika
"He made some mistakes. He should be given a second chance. We all mistakes. Well, some do, but I don't." - Heenan on Danny Davis' suspension
Sika actually got on the house mic and yelled "Heyyyyy" and something with Samoa in it.
"See, Piper's smart. He's announcing he'll retire, his final match. He's probably gonna be hurt so bad he'll have to retire. He took the back door way out." - Heenan | "Here's a bald headed guy in a skirt. That's gonna be pretty." - Heenan on Piper possibly losing the WM 3 hair match.
"Nice camera work by camera #7." - Gorilla | "He's a lot older than 7." - Heenan | "I was talking about the camera number." - Gorilla
"I wouldn't be surprised if Sika started to leave the ring here and started nibbling on this pidgeon." - Heenan | "Franky, keep an eye on this guy." - Gorilla
"Look at this, Koko's going underneath the ring. Where's he going?" - Gorilla | "He's hiding, he don't want in there any more." - Heenan
Koko got the win with a dropkick to the back and a roll-up after hiding underneath the ring. This wasn't much of a match. Koko just took some bad offense until the finish and Heenan was the only highlight here. This was a waste of time. Sika got a little revenge on Koko after.
"He owes me $15 dollars. Cleaning bill. That bird did something all over my pants." - Heenan on Koko | "Hahaha." - Gorilla
"I wanted to make him suffer. I wanted to make him pay." - Steamboat on why he got DQ'd in matches against Savage
Steamboat then cut a boring promo saying that Steele would be his second but wouldn't cause any trouble.
They did a Wrestlemania Report, showing the contract signing for the main event.
"I see why they call you "The Mouth of the South". Shut up." - Aretha Franklin
Hart tried to get Aretha to sing a duet with Honky. Hey, Jimmy goes the extra step for his crew.
Bob Uecker cut a very weird promo saying he wouldn't make predictions for WM 3. He said something about Smokey the Bear not breaking his matches when he smoked.
"I hope he's got enough money for bail. Piper's gonna get arrested walking around Toronto with a plaid mini skirt and a bald head." - Heenan
They showed footage of Adrian Adonis "accidently" cutting Brutus Beefcake's hair from weeks back.
"I'm the kind of guy that would see a man's mistake and say, "Pal, let bygones be bygones." - Heenan | "Oh yeah, you're the big forgiving type." - Gorilla | "Then I'd take an oily 2x4 that's guaranteed not to chip, splinter or bend and part his hair with it." - Heenan
"Adonis, you fat slimy slob, how dare you touch a hair on Beefcake's head." - Beefcake | "A mistake? I hope Piper makes a cueball outta you at Wrestlemania 3." - Beefcake | "That haircut, you know what it looks like? It looks like Runway 9 at O'Haire." - Heenan
Gorilla said he saw some issues in Andre but wouldn't tell Heenan until WM 3 ended.
Gorilla claimed to have found Weasel dolls at Andre's camp.
"The Natural" Butch Reed vs Tito Santana
"You never interfere in matches do you?" - Gorilla | "Sometimes I'm provoked but I never intentionally do it." - Heenan
"Look at that sneaky...I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him across the street." - Gorilla | "I've done business with him, he's a very honest man." - Heenan
"I wanna congratulate you on your street clothes tonight. They look very well suited for ya." - Gorilla | "They don't call me the doctor for nothin', baby." - Slick
"What if we went to the ring carrying signs to the fans? They wouldn't like it." - Heenan on signs ripping heels
Cool reversal
"Yeah! I just got DQ'd." - Me channeling Tito
This went to a Double DQ when Slick and Koko ran in. The match dragged too much unfortunately. Too many rest holds but Reed bumped pretty well. If this was shorter it would have been a lot better.
Paul Roma vs Salvatore Bellomo
"He's probably not dumb. Stupid is the word I'm looking for." - Heenan on Roma
"That's a nice name for a bottle of wine. A big bottle of Bellomo." - Heenan
Paul Roma got the win with a powerslam. This was pretty boring and Roma was very green here. The crowd mostly heckled the wrestlers the whole match and we got some boring chants. Even the announcers were bored here.
Monsoon talked about basically stealing a video from Heenan's training area and said Andre will have some issues.
The Honky Tonk Man vs Pedro Morales
"Something's gonna have to be done about these wrestlers putting their hands on me. I'm talking about Koko and Santana." - Slick
"Some people call him an Elivs impersonator but I don't see how. Elvis never looked as good as The Honky Tonk Man." - Slick
"Bobby The Brain Heenan, Jimmy Hart and myself are all comrades at arms." - Slick | "More like thieves in the night." - Gorilla
Tons of stalling in the first 5 minutes. I'd call it the calm before the storm but it's more like the calm before the light sprinkle, because there's no way this is going to be good.
Honky won with his feet on the ropes after a Hart distraction. Bad match here. Pedro really wasn't any good at this point in time. He was a slow dude who threw bad punches and had little energy or anything. Add into the Honky stalling and this stunk.
Bob Uecker said he likes Heenan and he's a good man. He talked about his dad stealing cars. No, really. He talked about some guy called "The Great Zucchini" who was shot out of cannon's. Really odd interview. King Kong Bundy vs Jake "The Snake" Roberts
Bundymania runnin' wild!
"I'm scared of snakes." - Hart | "Then why you managing them then?" - Gorilla
"Danny Davis, 3 times gold medalist in boxing, Olympian in wrestling." - Hart, really spewing the BS
"Whenever you're out here there's a snake at ringside, a two legged snake." - Gorilla
Jake won by countout here after putting his snake in the ring and threatening Bundy with it. So what I took from this is that wild animals are allowed be used as weapons legally in the WWF. Stupid finish to a match that didn't get much focus. Instead, the focus was on Damien and Hart/Heenan.
Gorilla and Heenan talked more about Gorilla bringing a camera to Camp Andre and Heenan didn't like it to end the show.
Overall thoughts: Heenan was funny but this show sucked otherwise. The finish to the main was bad, Outback Jack was bad and honestly, I think Heenan was the only good thing here. Skip this.
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