Thursday, June 29, 2017

GLOW Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling - Season 2, Episode 2

GLOW Season 2, Episode 2

Sir Miles Headlock welcomed us to the show along with Ninotchka.

"You think it's exciting to sit next to a machine? In Russia, you would be tractor." - Ninotchka
"Well goodbye"

Today's lineup:

"Hello, Las Vegas Comedy Club, this is Dave McLane, head of GLOW productions. How would you like to have my wrestler, Chainsaw of the Heavy Metal Sisters, appear there?"

"Is she funny? She's a regular cut up! Hahaha"

Attache vs Amy the Farmer's Daughter

"Amy's just a big fat hog. Her face reminds me of my dog. When I get through with her, this ring will be her burial ground." | "You tell 'em, Attache." - Ninotchka

"I'm Amy, Sally's sister. If you like her, well look out, mister. I'll tie the hog, I'll milk the cow, I'll beat my enemy, come watch me now."

You're welcome
"I've heard some people say Attache's a grunt ,but I think she looks like a runt - like a baby hog."

"Attache applies a brilliant headlock." - Ninotchka | "Did you say a brilliant headlock?" - Miles Headlock | "No relation to you, Mr. Dimples." - Ninotchka
"Now Attache decides to leave the ring for a moment to allow her inferior opponent Amy to recuperate." - Ninotchka

"Attache displays a sense of fair play rarely found outside of the Soviet Union." -  Ninotchka | "And never found inside I'm sure." - Sir Miles Headlock

"Attache fights quite fairly and reasonably well for an American. She must be observing tapes of myself when I beat Americana for the GLOW title." - Ninotchka
"This is not wrestling. She looks like she's bailing hay." - Ninotchka

The finish | "Ugh, what a sloppy attempt at a pin." - Ninotchka
Amy the Farmer's Daughter beat Attache with a botched backslide. Amy was pretty sloppy and dangerous here and Attache carried the match for the most part, mostly sticking to headlocks. I was surprised to see Attache bust out the headbutt and the crowd even cheered for Attache some, which was great. Ninotchka was pretty good here on commentary minus calling out the obvious botch at the end.

The California Doll vs Spanish Red

"We both like red." - Ninotchka

"This smiley face can turn real mean, make Spanish Red turn shades of green."
"Like a great white shark I go for the pin, it's a radical experience, when I win."

"From California? I want you all to know something. California belongs to the Spanish people." - Spanish Red

"These American gringos, they stole it." - Spanish Red
"And now, California Doll pokes Spanish Red in the eye and trips her." - Ninotchka | "That looks more like a clean hiptoss to me." - Miles | "Who is calling the matches today, me or you?" - Ninotchka

"Really Ninotchka, are you going to start calling these matches fairly?" - Miles | "When you call a coin toss, you may only call one side." - Ninotchka
"California Doll spends so much time laying on the beach that she thinks its a very comfortable position." - Ninotchka

"Me? Miles Headlock apologize?" - Miles | "Thank you. I do not accept your apology." - Ninotchka

"She's so stupid she thinks manual labor is the president of Mexico." - Ninotchka on the Doll
"In all fairness, I must admit that Doll has perfected one American technique." - Ninotchka | "Oh and what would that be?" - Miles | "Breaking the rules."

The finish
Spanish Red beat The California Doll with the pin shown above. Good match here. They struggled and battled for everything they did, they didn't botch anything and they made it look like a contest. They traded holds for most of the match and this was legit better than a lot of matches I've watched. Rating:***

Red wanted more after the bell

"How do you like your plastic doll now?" - Spanish Red

"Waitress, do you make your corn beef lean?" - Customer | "Yeah, we sure do." - Angel | "Good, make it lean this way hahahaha." - Customer
"Attache says she can break a board with her bare hands." - Little Egypt | "That'll come in real handy if she's ever attacked by a board." - Americana
"Doctor, you seem very dedicated," - Little Egypt | "Well, medicine has always been my dream. When I was young I always played doctor." - Doctor
"Amy the Farmer's Daughter is delicate like antique." - Ninotchka | "Yeah, let's auction her off! Hahaha." - Matilda the Hun

The Housewives just argued and yelled at each other
"If Hollywood's partner(Vine) hung onto her opponent, would she be a clinging vine?" - The California Doll

"Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?"
"Stick with the man who cares about you and is very attentive. After all, he's money in the bank." - Tina Ferrari
"Hey Soul Patrol, can you make a sentence with the word - defense?" - The teacher | "Yeah, I saw a cop and I jumped over de fence."
Russian Roulette Match - Little Fiji, Tina Ferrari and Ashley Cartier vs Hollywood and Vine and Angel
Girls can be eliminated by pinfall or counted and the last girl remaining in the ring is the winner.

"From Samoa, Little Fiji" | Shouldn't she be from Fiji?
"Well David, I'm really excited that you gave me this match. I've been training a lot..."

"In the ring, I know what to do. The Fiji sister can wrestle too. Now I'm no mouth, but I got a hunch, and you'll see me, pack a mean punch." - Little Fiji

"There's no beer allowed here." - McLane

"It looks like Tina and Ashley and Pipsqueak are having a meeting of the minds." - Ninotchka

"What is this? They are sporting a 3 way Bavarian split." - Ninotchka

Little Fiji was eliminted early with a double pin.

Both girls were counted out of the ring here
"My god, you need a wide angle lens for that one." - Ninotchka on Ashley's backside

Aunt Kitty takes a bump!
"Aunt Kitty seems to have a weight problem today - keeping it all vertical." - Ninotchka is VICIOUS
"I beg your pardon." - Miles | "You can beg all you want but I won't pardon you." - Ninotchka

The pin

Tina Ferrari picked up the win over Angel with a sunset flip. This was pretty much all bad brawling from start to finish. The girls were catfighting and tied up with each other for most of the match. While they didn't really do anything, it wasn't that bad and I at least bought into it some. They didn't really get into how Vine got eliminated though.

"I know it is election day in America. The government is letting farm animals run for office? How can this be?"
"You heard that one candidate was a lame duck and the other was a dark horse?  Vladimir, you're so stupid. I'll have your brain donated to science - while you're still alive!" - Ninotchka
"Attache's military through and through." - California Doll | "I know, if you told her her mother wears military boots, she'd take it as a compliment." - Susie Spirit
Palestina vs Susie Spirit

"I'm Susie Spirit, I get my kicks (not sure) in '76. I like to dance, I like to sing, and I'm all action in the ring." - Susie Spirit

"She better enjoy her time out of the ring because one she gets in there, Palestina will chew her up and spit her out." - Ninotchka | "Like Spirit gum?" - Miles | "Exactly" - Ninotchka

"In Russia, fair is whatever benefits the state." - Ninotchka | "That must be the Russian version of a state fair." - Miles

"What a face on that silly cheerleader. You can tell what time she walks into the room because her face stops every clock there." - Ninotchka

"No, this is too much. Susie Spirit has broken the rules again with her illegal use of the ropes. I cannot stand to look at this any longer. I will show her the penalty for such behavior!" - Ninotchka | "Wait a minute, where do you think you're going?" - Miles

Susie Spirit beat Palestina by DQ when Ninotchka interfered. Susie was probably the most athletically inclined of the GLOW girls but also worked extremely light, so her stuff didn't look good at all. The match wasn't bad by GLOW standards but Spirit hit with the force of a feather. Americana made the save for Susie since she had a match leading up to this against Ninotchka for the GLOW title that apparently had a controversial ending.
"Did you see the way Americana attacked me when my back was turned?"
"I want to get Americana in the ring and make her beg for mercy." - Ninotchka

They announced Ninotchka vs Americana for next week.
"If it's in the GLOW magazine, it's gotta be true." - Mt. Fiji
"California Doll's part of the new wave in wrestling." - Angel | "Yeah, let's hope she gets caught in the undertow" - Attache
"Susie Spirit is so sweet and all the kids love her." | "Yeah, that girl oughta be a flavor at Baskin Robbins."
"Spanish Red is really hot tempered." - Ashley | "I know, she can boil water just by looking at it." - Tina

"You know, there's only one thing that Ashley's missing in the ring - talent." - Matilda

"I heard that Palestina will never hit you when you're down." - Little Fiji | "Right, she'll kick you. It's easier." - Mt. Fiji
"Ah, what is it now, Aunt Kitty? - McLane | "Come on David, wouldn't you like to play doctor with Hollywood?" - Aunt Kitty
"Sure, let's start with the autopsy." - McLane

Overall thoughts: It's a GLOW show. The matches are bad to passable and the jokes/segments have their little charm. There's nothing you need to go out of your way here to see and this definitely isn't for the wrestling purists. I liked that they did some angle work here with Ninotchka and Americana and the Spanish Red match was good. I didn't mind the show at all and have sat through worse stuff. Ninotchka was really good as a commentator all show and she continues to be the MVP and total package of GLOW whether it be in her segments, in the ring or on the mic.