Monday, August 5, 2013

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/5/2013 Results and Review

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/5/2013 Results and Review

Last week's show is here:

I reviewed Total Divas Episode 2 here:

Quick Note - Tomohiro Ishii and Katsuyori Shibata had a Match of the Year level match last night and it was one of the best matches I've ever seen. It was only the second match this year I gave 5 stars to. I highly recommend seeing it. I reviewed it here:

Steph was talking about DB and showed a package of him getting a makeover.

DB came out all dressed up.

DB asked the fans if they liked the look and they said no. DB said the company really wants jacked up people in cargo shorts and bright yellow shirts. He said they want someone to sell them a bunch of stuff they don't actually need, hinting at John Cena.
DB said Cena didn't think he could beat him.
"I'm 5'8, I got this scraggly beard and I live in the middle of nowhere." - DB | "John Cena is an entertainer and Daniel Bryan is a WRESTLER." - DB

"If I get fired tomorrow, and I just might as its happened before, you will see me in every armory, every gymnasium that's filled with 30 people because I love wrestling." - DB
"Looks like Men's Warehouse ran into Duck Dynasty." - JBL on DB
He said he'd do what the company wanted now because at SS he would make John Cena tap out. Vince then came out.
"The WWE's never had a dwarf for a WWE champion." - Vince | "We never had anyone who had the muscularity of a toothpick. We never had anyone who had the face of a gargoyle." | "You look like a miniature Mick Foley." - Vince
Vince ripped on DB and told DB to listen to him.

"Smells like a compost pile,  you got a bird's nest in there?" - Vince
Vince said they need to shave the beard for DB to be champ.
"And you talked about being fired? Be careful what you wish for." - Vince

Vince pushed DB to get in the chair.
Vince called down Wade Barrett, since he had a nicely trimmed beard.

"John Cena says the champ is here, well I say, the beard is here!" - Daniel Bryan
Daniel Bryan beat up Wade Barrett and shaved off some of his facial hair in your weekly Wade Barrett burial.

Rob Van Dam vs Alberto Del Rio

Ricardo is back from suspension.
 The Miz was at the booth.

They announced Ricardo Rodriguez as returning from a severe injury. Saying that he got busted for drugs didn't have the same ring to it I guess.

RVD won with a Cung Le san-shou take down. The match was okay but really short. The highlight was a big RVD moonsault off the apron. RVD won after Ricardo put a bucket in the ropes and ADR got thrown into it. ADR then beat up Ricardo after for it.

Ricardo got hit with the bucket multiple times, got thrown hardway out and then got his head sandwiched into the stairs as ADR dropkicked him.

Cody Rhodes said true friends stab you in the front and said he had a gift for Sandow.
Cody had the case, with crap and water in it.

Cody dumped out the briefcase and very soggy contract and DS went for it. The Scholars had a fight over it and Cody got the better of it.

Ryback vs Mark Henry

They wrestled for about a minute and Ryback walked out for the countout. I'm cool with this as this match was gonna suck.

The Bellas were bragging about Total Divas Episode 2, which I reviewed here:

Eva Marie came in and gave them hairspray. Nattie came in, they exchanged words and one of the Bella's got slapped in the face. The acting here was atrocious.

John Cena came out and said he usually fights bad guys, not fan favorites. He said a lot of fans like Daniel Bryan. He said he chose DB because of the fans.
"Just because you don't like the color of my t-shirt of the flavor of my cereal, I don't change for no one." - John Cena
Cena said DB shouldn't rip the way he looks. Cena talked about hard times. He said "I came back to this company 24 hours after breaking my neck. My elbow looks like a football". Cena said DB is more comfortable wrestling in an auditorium.

Cena said if he was fired he'd never wrestle again. John Cena seems to have forgotten when he got fired years ago due to Wade Barrett and he showed up hours later.
Cena tried to lead a "you can't wrestle" chant for himself and no one bought it in a hilarious moment. There were like 5 people cheering it, totally owning Cena.
The crowd chanted boring and Cena said the fans wanted to see them wrestle right now.

Cena said we could cheer for whoever we want when Randy Orton came down. The announcers tried to push this as Orton cashing in.
"It doesn't matter John who walks out of Summerslam as the WWE title." - Orton somehow saying he will turn into a title belt.
Orton said the champ is here when The Shield walked down.

DB ran down for the save before The Shield jumped in and then Brad Maddox came out. He made - The Shield vs John Cena, Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton for tonight. He said he made the tag since the faces couldn't get a long. Figure out the sense on that.

Tons of Funk were in the ring when The Wyatt Family came out.

Tons of Funk vs The Wyatt Family

The Wyatt's won in a very quick squash with Harper taking it to Tensai and getting a nice slap in. Brodus got a nice exploder on Harper.

Bray hit the Sister Abigail on Brodus.

The Wyatt's cut a promo on Kane and Wyatt said he was a monster. Kane was told to follow the buzzards. Kane said you can't follow the buzzards when you pluck off their wins and mutilate them. Kane then said he doesn't have a purpose, but does this for fun. He said no one can save The Wyatt's at Summerslam and told them to be ready for a ring of fire. This might mean a possible inferno match, or nothing at all.

We got some clips of Punk going after Heyman last week.
"Summerslam will forever be known as the night The Beast got neutered". - CM Punk
Punk talked about Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan. He said Perfect had a mind of his own, which Axel didn't have. He said Axel didn't have a mind of his own and he'd get a beating for it. Punk said he'd take care of Axel tonight and said he'd coming for Axel.

Kaitlyn vs Layla
Layla turned on Kaitlyn on Smackdown. See it here -

Layla said she turned on Kaitlyn because she wants all the attention and all eyes on Layla.

Layla beat Kaitlyn in a quick match with The Bomshell - a right high kick. The match was eh. AJ ran down during this and Kaitlyn focused on her, leading to a distraction and a loss. AJ and Layla skipped around after.

They announced Cody Rhodes vs Damien Sandow for Summerslam.

Heath Slater vs Christian

Christian won in a short one with a spear. There wasn't much to speak of here.

Curtis Axel vs CM Punk

On the app, Punk did a flip dive into the ring. He worked Axel's leg a little and chopped him. Axel got back in control and stomped Punk down.

I don't know the result of this one. Punk went after Heyman and brought him in then this was stopped. The match wasn't that great. The crowd didn't really get into it until the end and I had some technical problems.

After the match, Brock Lesnar attacked CM Punk since he went after Paul Heyman.

Brock attacked though Punk got tons of shots in. Brock F-5'd Punk after many chair shots.

"Paul, say something stupid." - Brock Lesnar.
Renee Young interviewed Paul Heyman's crew and we got a rare Brock Lesnar interview. He said he was the beast and the best. Paul Heyman challenged CM Punk to a fight next week.

Fandango vs Kofi Kingston
Kofi Kingston returned and was wearing pants.

Kofi won with a Trouble in Paradise kick. This wasn't very good. It didn't click and Kofi looks like a skinny teenager in his new gear.

Vince apparently went off on Stephanie McMahon off camera and Stephanie McMahon was crying. Triple H said he was tired of all of this and said he'd stop whatever Vince had planned at Summerslam.

Zeb talked about cheese since we were in Green Bay and told the fans to make due like the Packers.

The Real Americans vs The Uso's

The RA's won with a punch and a Neutralizer. Not a bad match here. The RA's did some double team moves like a Swagger lift up into a Cesaro uppercut and Cesaro held an Uso on his knee while Jack speared them. Both teams looked good here and I was rather impressed with The RA's.

Dolph Ziggler vs Big E Langston
They said the GM's made a rule where AJ cannot accompany Big E Langston in matches. That was odd.

Big E got the win with a Big Ending. Kaitlyn came down mid match and fought with AJ. The ref didn't stop it this time and the announcers brought it up. This is when Big E hit the Big Ending for the win. Big E looked good here as he is explosive and just moves well. Big E almost dropped Dolph wrong on a gorilla press but everyone was okay.

They interviewed two girls from Summer Camp, some reality show.

The Shield vs John Cena, Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton

The faces won when The Shield got DQ'd. This was okay but way too short. DB ran through his segment super quick and almost too quick. After the match, Orton RKO'd his partners and The Shield. He went to cash in the MITB briefcase when The Shield came back.
The Shield powerbombed Daniel Bryan to end the show.

Next week:

Overall thoughts: Not a real good one here. There were too many quick matches and I didn't think the angles and storylines were enough to make up for it.

1 comment :

  1. "They said the GM's made a rule where AJ cannot accompany Big E Langston in matches. That was odd."

    No, the rule was Big E could not accompany AJ when she has matches. AJ, as you saw and still can see, accompanied Big E on this episode of RAW.