Monday, May 13, 2013

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/13/2013 Results and Review

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/13/2013 Results and Review

Last week's show is here:

My preview of the show is here:

King talked about Fandango and Jericho.

Dance-Off - Fandango vs Chris Jericho
They introduced Summer Rae by her name.

They put a dance floor in the ring.

King brought up Fandango losing to Khali in a dance contest.
Jericho brought up being the WWE musical chairs champion and the first Price is Raw champion. The musical chairs segment was great because of Flair cheating to try and win. Jericho said he would make a new dance sensation called the "Ijustkickedyourjackassalloverthisring".

Fandango went to dance but said he was trying to create masterpiece and needed silence.

Summer Rae twisted her ankle early. Jericho and his partner went to check on her and Fandango attacked. Fandango beat up Jericho and hit him with a wood dance floor. Summer Rae then revealed that she was okay.

They announced Team Hell No and John Cena vs The Shield for tonight.

Ryback vs Zack Ryder

They shilled the WWE app with Alberto Del Rio talking.

Ryback won quick with a Shellshock. He did a cool spot where Ryder tried to do a crossbody and he tossed him back.

Tons of Funk vs The Prime Time Players

The PTP's won quick with an illegal hair pick shot and a pull of the tights. This is the PTP's first win in quite some time.

Teddy Long announced a #1 Contenders I-Quit match with Alberto Del Rio vs Jack Swagger at Extreme Rules. He also announced Big E Langston would face either Jack Swagger or Alberto Del Rio, depending on who the fans chose.
They said Mark Henry would call out Sheamus tonight.
They announced Kofi Kingston vs Dean Ambrose for the US title at Extreme Rules.

Kofi Kingston vs Damien Sandow

Damien Sandow said he would not sing Kofi's song.

Kofi Kingston won quick with a Trouble in Paradise kick.

Mark Henry's Hall of Pain induction
They showed a clip of the Eddie Guerrero vs JBL strap match from 2004. I didn't see this one as I was super upset at the time that JBL was considered a top contender.

Josh Mathews asked Mark Henry how he planned to win the strap match and Henry said he would show him. He dragged him around the ring with the strap.

Mark challenged Sheamus to come out.

Sheamus was hesitant but came out. He said he left a present for Mark under the ring and brought out a strap. They hit each other and Mark left.

Antonio Cesaro vs Randy Orton
This is a rematch from Main Event. I reviewed that here:

Randy Orton won in only a few minutes with an RKO. Cesaro got most of the offense in but this was a waste.

The Miz vs Heath Slater

They pimped the WWE app during this. Yeah, that's not happening here. 3 hours with commercials is hard enough.

The Miz won in his return with a figure four. This was okay I guess but the result was never in doubt. The highlight was Slater getting thrown off the top onto his crew.

They announced The Shield vs Team Hell No for the WWE Tag Team Titles at Extreme Rules.

Elimination Match - The Shield vs Team Hell No and John Cena

They announced Seth Rollins vs Kane for Main Event.

Kane got DQ'd for hitting Ambrose with a table top. Reigns hit an awesome superman punch on Cena.

Ambrose pinned Daniel Bryan with the headlock driver.

John Cena pinned Seth Rollins with the AA. Roman Reigns got DQ'd for shoving the ref.

John Cena ended The Shield's undefeated streak after The Shield got DQ'd for jumping in. The match was really good, but the result stunk. DB was really awesome here and The Shield were good too. DB did a great tope out on Reigns that came out of nowhere and the heat was great. Rating:***1/2

Ryback came in after and hit Cena's Achilles tendon with a chair.

Big E Langston vs Jack Swagger

Jack Swagger won by countout. Big E looked decent and the match wasn't bad but there was no heat whatsoever and that brought it down. Big E tried to spear Swagger through the rails and ended up falling over them to get counted out. Afterwards, ADR came in and ended up tapping out Swagger to stand tall.

Natalya vs AJ Lee

AJ Lee won with La Swastika. The match was ok I guess but the focus wasn't on it at all. Cole admitted to liking "The View" and Kaitlyn received some gift that I couldn't figure out. Natalya chased AJ around a little before the finish. King said he had two reasons that he could tell The Bellas apart, referencing one of them getting a boobjob.

Jericho said he wasn't going to fool around anymore and said he would show Fandango how to dance Chris Jericho Style.

They announced The Highlight Reel with Orton and Big Show for Smackdown.
Triple H says everything will be settled on Sunday. He said since they are both here as is the cage, Brock should come down.

Heyman said you can't say the word "hate" in WWE. He said Triple H would hate facing his family after his loss
Heyman said Triple H would lose and that Brock wouldn't fight Triple H until Sunday. Heyman said Brock don't fight for free so he wouldn't fight tonight. Triple H accused Paul of being afraid of losing his main man. He called Lesnar a bitch which brought him down.

Triple H got the better of Brock, naturally. He threw him into the door at Heyman, but Brock did hit a great release german. Brock walked out to end the show.

Overall thoughts: I liked The Shield's match and Henry's segment but I wasn't interested in the rest.


  1. I can't do these friggen RAWs anymore. I'm better served just skimming the pics and review here - much faster, same sense of immense disappointment (in the product, not the site - visit regularly).

    No idea how you have the drive to do this, but more power to you brother. Good stuff.

    1. It is hard. My wish is for Raw to go back to 2 hours but I just have a feeling it won't be changing for a while. I know I constantly look at the clock like I'm in school and think "Is it over yet?".

      Thanks for the comment and the kind words!

  2. I'm with the above poster, this blog makes it so much easier to skim thru RAW. Instead of wasting 3 hours watching RAW I can spend 45 minutes watching it and save the other 2+ hours for watching puroresu or something else with actual wrestling content!

    Do you keep a running MOTY list or anything like that and if so would you consider posting it. I used to love reading Phil Schneider's ongoging MOTY lists on his blog...

    Thanks! Happy 1 year and keep up the hard work!

    1. Hey KanyonKutter,

      Due to your comment, I decided to update my MOTY list. Check it out here:

      Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it! I'm glad I can make Raw a less painful experience! :P